Call Me
by CynicalRomantic09
Summary: Three years after Jude goes to London, she is at another crossroads. And so is Tommy. Will their decisions lead them back to each other, or tear them further apart? One-shot.


Hi all! So this is my most recent one-shot. I've had it written for a while, but never got around to actually posting it. I remember when I first heard the song for it, though, that I couldn't pass the opportunity up to write a little something.

This one-shot is a bit on the dramatical side. Lol. There's not much dialogue, either, truthfully, and the ending is well... you'll see. I chose an open-ending of sorts this time around.

The song is entitled "Call Me" and it's by Shinedown. They are an awesome band, so check them out if you've never heard of them. A good chunk of people probably have by now, though. Their song "Second Chance" is more well-known. Anywho, enough of my praise of Shinedown and on to the story. I hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

"Call Me"

* * *

_**Wrap me in a bolt of lightning  
Send me on my way still smiling**_

They say that life's full of defining moments. Perhaps my defining moment was the day that I won the Instant Star competition, or maybe it was the day I chose to enter it. Hell, I suppose I could go further back and decide that it was the day I picked a guitar over any other instrument I could have asked my dad for.

Whatever the case, these events seemed to have caused a domino effect on my life. They led to me more heartache that any teenage girl should live through, but they also led me to the love of my life, which I wouldn't trade for anything.

It sounds odd, I know, considering I made another one of those life-altering decisions when I chose to leave Toronto and move overseas to England. But what can I say? I was naïve and selfish when I made that choice. The lust for luxury and fantastical things consumed me and overpowered me. The rock star life was finally catching up to me.

I can remember the look on Tommy's face when he realized I was breaking things off with him during my farewell concert. I could also remember the look on his face when I was driving off in my limo. Those moments are etched in my brain forever. I dream about them constantly, lose sleep over them constantly. I don't think I was fully aware of the consequences that leaving everybody behind would entail.

_**Maybe that's the way I should go  
Straight into the mouth of the unknown**_

When I first left, I was thrown into a strange world that I didn't think I could ever possibly get used to. The customs were different; the language even took some getting used to. The differences caused me to long for home and its familiarity. There were nights when homesickness threatened to swallow me hole.

I never did well with being alone. There was always _somebody_ with me. Whether it was Sadie, or Dad, or Jamie . . . I always had a crutch and there were times when I sorely missed those crutches. Especially when the crutch was SME. I definitely missed those guys. Sure, my backup band now was great, but they were just lacking something, something I couldn't quite place. And I don't think I'd ever find what I had with SME with anybody else.

Just like I don't think I'll ever find another producer who can open me up as much as Tommy had. I tried my hardest to let myself go with my new producer, but something was holding me back. A connection was missing, that vital piece of the puzzle that made the magic in the studio.

And it was frustrating my new producer, Jacob, to no end. He tried his hardest to get the music out of me that I had with Tommy, but it just was not happening.

I watched him through the glass and couldn't help but feel the teensiest bit guilty as he ran an aggravated hand over his face and threw the headset down on the soundboard. I'd actually lost count of how many takes this was. The poor guy looked as though he were ready to throttle me. "Take a break Jude. Lord knows I need one," he said before exiting the room. My guess was he was probably out back, smoking a cigarette right now. That's what he usually did when he was perturbed.

_**I left the spare key on the table  
Never really thought I'd be able**_

I quickly followed Jacob out back to where I knew he'd be. I wanted to at least attempt to make things right. I didn't know if I'd be able to or not, but at least I could say I tried.

Sure enough, once I weeded my way through all the people in the lobby that were trying to talk to me or get my advice on something music-related, I found him smoking that cigarette he so rarely smoked. I usually only ever saw him smoking when his temper was running high and I was, more often than not, the cause of it.

"Jacob?"

He peered around the corner and glared at me. "What do you want Jude?"

"To apologize."

"For what?"

"Everything. Whatever I did that upset you this time," I offered weakly.

He actually laughed, which was odd, since Jacob didn't laugh. "Jude . . . You know something? I'm a good producer. A damn good one. People have actually begged for my time."

"I know," I said quietly.

"So why are you wasting it?" I didn't respond. What could I possibly say after that? He nodded at my silence and put his cigarette out before turning to walk back in the building. "Stop using this place as an escape. Quit running from whatever it is you're running from. Your talent's being wasted here."

_**To say I'd merely visit on the weekends  
I lost my whole life and a dear friend**_

I sighed and felt like having a breakdown right there. It's been three years since I left Toronto. Three long, crazy, adventurous, lonely years. Today was actually the anniversary of the day I left my entire world behind.

Tommy and I had attempted to keep in touch with each other after everything, but eventually, the phone calls turned into e-mails, the e-mails turned short and to the point, and finally, the e-mails turned to nothingness. I was surprised he even lasted as long as he did.

I bit my lip and looked skyward, as if that would give me some answers to the problems I seemed to be drowning in lately. But even as I looked at the overcast sky, I knew I wouldn't find my answers there. Jacob was right. I needed to stop running and make a choice.

I turned on my heel and headed back into the building. I had another one of those life-altering decisions to make. Not only was today the anniversary of my first day in London, but it also marked the start of contract negotiations. I could have a new one drawn up, or I could release myself from the label. And I knew what I had to do. I had to put Tom Quincy behind me and fully commit here. That part of my life was over. It had been for a long time. Now I just had to close the door on it.

But when I went back into the building, chaos was ensuing in the lobby. A swarm of people was gathered in the lobby around the Plasma TV and confusion swept over me.

"What's going on?" I asked one of the various bystanders.

Her eyes lit up as she nodded towards the television. "Tom Quincy's getting ready to perform. It's his first televised performance since Boyz Attack!" she squealed.

My breath hitched in my throat as I saw him for the first time in years. He looked good. He looked . . . happy, even.

When he spoke into the microphone, he looked straight into the camera, his blue eyes alive with passion. Those were the eyes that have haunted my dreams for the last three years.

"Hi," he said confidently. "It's been a while since I've done this, so I'm a little rusty. But this song I'm going to sing is my new single. It's very special to me and I hope you all like it."

As soon as he opened his mouth, pure emotion raged within the song. It was beautiful.

Perhaps I was being naïve and self-centered as I thought this, but I couldn't help but feel like he was singing this song for me—_to_ me. We had always spoken to each other through our music; it was how we communicated best. And I had to wonder now if he was trying to tell me something.

_**I've said it so many times,  
I would change my ways, no,  
Never mind  
God knows I tried**_

_**Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over, I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over, I don't want you to hurt**_

Tears welled in my eyes as he sang through the chorus. What had I done? After everything I had put him through, he was telling me he still loved me. He loved me enough to let me go and walk away. Oh God. What if I never find that again? What if I've lost him forever? And the one thing I kept thinking that I did not like at all was, what if this was his song of goodbye?

I looked around the lobby and was not surprised to find that it was completely silent as the song continued. He'd always had a way of captivating people through music, even in his cheesy boy-band days.

In the corner of the room, I saw Jacob smiling at me in understanding. He knew what was going through my head. He knew what I had to do. He came up to me and whispered, "Why are you still standing here? We both know what you really want to do."

Before I even had a chance to respond, he was already gone, weaving his way through the crowd. I smiled as my heart sped up while my boss walked by. This was my perfect opportunity to do what I needed to.

"Thank you, Jacob," I said quietly.

It's all that I can say

_**So I'll be on my way**_

I looked at the crowd in front of me, hanging on to my every word. It was exhilarating. I'd forgotten what this felt like. I'd spent so much time behind the scenes recently that the memories of what it felt like to be on stage escaped me.

Darius was smiling from ear-to-ear as the song raged on. Grudgingly, I admitted that he'd made a good call when he told me to sing this song instead of the one I had wanted to. I hadn't meant for this song to be heard by anyone, let alone Darius. I knew he'd exploit it for everything it was worth.

And it was worth a lot.

I'd written this song a year after she left, after I'd finally accepted that she wasn't coming back. It took me a long time to let go and move on and this song had been my therapy. I'd recorded it in the wee hours of the night and had been so emotionally spent by the time I was finished that I didn't think to put the disc away. And then Darius had come by the next morning and saw it.

_**I finally put it all together  
That nothing really lasts forever**_

At first, he'd wanted to put this out on the air right away. He'd fallen in love with it immediately and offered me the works to sign on with him as a full-fledged recording artist, even after I told him I didn't want this song to go public.

For a while, he'd humored me. I figured he'd understood what this song was to me.

Apparently he hadn't.

This morning he'd dropped the bomb that I either sing this song, or he'd put my album on hold. I'd been tempted to throw a tantrum, something I hadn't done since my Boyz Attack days. But I'd learned this business and knew that being a prima donna wouldn't solve anything. So I played ball and sang this song and it felt amazingly cathartic. It felt like I was finally putting it all behind me.

_**I had to make a choice that was not mine  
I had to say goodbye for the last time**_

I can still remember her farewell concert like it was yesterday. I'd been so happy when I watched her go up on the stage, so proud. Watching her sing was an accomplishment for me because I knew that I helped mold her into the artist that she'd become and that was a great feeling. It was an even better feeling knowing that after years of putting each other through endless turmoil, we were _finally_ getting our silver lining. Or at least I thought we were.

I should have seen it coming, honestly. With the way she'd been talking about all the perks London was offering her, it shouldn't have floored me as much as it had. But this was _Jude_. She never went for all the bells and whistles that so many other artists did. It was what made her unique and well . . . innocent. Even after everything she'd been through and seen, she'd still had that spark that made her simply Jude.

And then it was gone in a flash, it seemed.

I thought we were going to ride off into the sunset and get our happy ending when she walked on that stage. But I should have known better. Guys like me don't get to ride off into the sunset with the girl. We get left behind, staring in quiet pain as they walk away effortlessly. Or in her case, drive away.

_**I kept my whole life in a suitcase  
Never really stayed in one place**_

Perhaps it was for the best, though. I'd never been one to settle anywhere. All my life, I went from place-to-place and I'd never had stability, so maybe I did Jude a favor when I let her walk away without a fight. It was what I did best, after all. How many times had I given up without a fight? What right did I have to do that fighting now? The answer is none. It wouldn't have been fair to her.

Since she'd gone, I'd examined my series of relationships multiple times and needed no help in realizing that my track record was not the greatest. Any time it ever looked like I was going to even _start_ getting serious with a girl, I bailed. Most of the time, it even ended with me leaving the province, or even the country. So really, what good was I to Jude? I had no experience in steady relationships and I barely had my own life figured out.

_**Maybe that's the way it should be  
You know I live my life like a Gypsy**_

When she left in New Brunswick, I'd dealt with it by not dealing at all. I'd gotten piss drunk every night and, as bad as it was, I felt relief when my mother had tried to burn the house down. How shitty is that when you're glad to have an opportunity to quit taking care of your own mother?

But, as horrible as it sounded, that's how I felt. I hadn't known what to do with her, Tristain hadn't been there to give me any kind of clues or advice on how to deal, and it had all just been way over my head. My own life was broken—how was I supposed to fix somebody else's? And, most importantly, it had given me a chance to leave. I'd been going stir crazy being back in my hometown and I despised every minute of it. I hated it there.

Watching her walk away once was bad enough. I honestly don't know how I survived it the second time. Maybe I had finally come to terms with what I knew a long time ago: she was too damn young. We were both in different stages in our lives. She wanted adventure; I wanted the stability I had never had. I was finally ready to think about settling down and the girl I was ready to do that with was seven fucking years younger than me. Typical.

Whatever it was that had helped me deal, I was glad for it. Perhaps it was this song that had helped me deal. To this day, I couldn't tell you what made me accept that she wasn't going to come back to me, for us. But I just knew I _had_ to accept it and move on.

After she left, I knew I couldn't stay in Toronto. I had to get out of there, at least for a while. The memories were too much and I saw her everywhere. I saw her at my penthouse, I saw her at G-Major, walking down the streets . . . It was driving me nuts. So in true Quincy fashion, I bailed. I moved on to the next city. And then after I went to my newest residency, I vacated that just as soon as I saw I was starting to make friends and like it there. I ended up traveling all over the place instead.

It was Kwest and Sadie that eventually brought me back home to Toronto. Sadie had called because Kwest refused to ask me for my help, but G-Major was in trouble. They'd had a shortage of producers and Kwest was getting bombarded with artists and he rarely saw his girlfriend anymore. She'd gotten so frustrated and fed up that she called me and guilted me into coming. She threw all the favors I owed Kwest back in my face and had gotten me to come back. Luckily, I hadn't sold my penthouse, so living arrangements weren't an issue and I thankfully wouldn't have to be living out of a suitcase for once. I had no excuses, so it was goodbye Vegas, hello Toronto.

_**I've said it so many times,  
I would change my ways, no,  
Never mind  
God knows I tried**_

_**Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over, I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over, I don't want you to hurt**_

And that's where I stood now. I'd been back for two years and was now living my dream of being a solo artist. And it felt great.

I finally seemed to have earned the respect among the industry that I had been working for since I vacated Boyz Attack. People no longer associate me with my dorky past, but they associate me with the man I've become today.

As I finished off the song, the crowd erupted into deafening cheers. I stood up from the piano and waved a thanks to them and headed off backstage. Thank God I hadn't agreed to an interview. I don't think I would have been able to handle the questions that would have come with the song. At least not without a huge dose of liquor.

"T, that was hot! You tore the roof off. The song is gonna be big!" Darius exclaimed giddily.

"Thanks. I gotta go, though. I have to get ready for my interview with _Rolling Stone_ tomorrow. See ya," I said as I quickly evaded the new to-do list that would surely be coming from D any day now.

As I made my way through the building, numerous people stopped me to congratulate me on my comeback and tell me what an awesome job I did. There were even some guys that stopped me, which surprised me. I must have done okay out there.

It's all that I can say

_**So I'll be on my way**_

I got home and tossed my keys to the Viper on the end table that was in my entrance hallway. I was completely exhausted because I was running on fumes and I just wanted to go to bed.

But I wasn't entirely lying when I told Darius why I had to leave. I really _did_ have to prepare for my new interview the next day, which was going to be hell.

I knew the interviewer and she was a ball-buster. She didn't hesitate in asking personal, invading questions and I had to be prepared for anything.

I figured she'd ask me about my relationship with Jude. That was a given. I haven't really dated anyone seriously _since_ Jude and that's been a constant source of gossip for the tabloids.

When I thought about it, I realized I didn't know how to describe my relationship with Jude. It had been messy, at times forbidden, wonderful, and worth every bit of crap we had gone through, even though it didn't work out.

I think my problem was that I constantly compared other women to her. Did they have her smile, were their hands smooth, or rough and calloused like hers, were they just the right amount of selfish and selfless?

There was a girl now that I was kind of seeing and it was scaring the shit out of me. We've been on exactly two dates and she seemed to be feeling the same thing I was—take it slow, have fun. I had a date with her tomorrow after my interview and I had been considering bailing. She was _too_ similar to Jude and it was freaking me out.

But that was before my performance. I think I'm ready now. I think I'm ready to move on and officially close the door. She wasn't coming back. I had accepted that a long time ago, now I just had to do something about it. I'd tried with Jude and I had failed. I was past the breakup and I had to quit comparing every girl to her, which included Sam.

What I had with Jude had been beautiful. She had taken a broken, screwed up man and healed him. Perhaps that's all she was ever meant to do was to show me that it was okay to have a relationship and want something more to come out of it. And I think I could have that with Sam. She was great and we were having a lot of fun. In fact, I may even mention her in my interview tomorrow . . .

_**I'll always keep you inside  
You healed my heart and my life  
And you know I tried…**_

The next day happened so fast I barely had time to breathe. It was a good thing I had gone home and prepared everything for the interview because this chick wasted no time in getting into the nitty-gritty. She bombarded me with personal questions and had even thrown in the questions I was completely unprepared for.

I hated when that happened. I didn't like not being in control and this woman clearly liked being in charge of the interview.

She'd asked me about the rumors that I was seeing another girl and I completely froze. I had been ready to talk about Sam, but when it came down to it, I didn't know if I was quite ready to put her in the line of fire. We'd only been on two dates and I had no idea how the next one was going to go. So I simply said that it was a private matter and that I had no comments on my dates.

She also had asked me about my song. I gave as much information as I could without pouring the truth out behind t. That was still a private thing for me and I refused to divulge every piece of meaning behind it.

By the time the interview was finished, I was ready to be out of there. I just wanted to go get ready for my date with Sam and try to get some kind of peace out of the day.

And after a lot of convincing from my date, we decided to stay at my place for the evening to avoid the paparazzi vultures. There was a private entrance to the building that I used and she would be using that one as well. It was a really convenient entrance and helped with things like this. Jude had used it loads of times . . . "Damn it," I muttered. "Get it together, Quincy. This date is all about Sam." After all, if things went well, I was going to ask her to make it official and actually _date_ for real. Like the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. The whole thing that I hadn't done for three years.

"Christ, I'm too old for this," I muttered. I looked at my ceiling and clasped my hands together as I groaned in frustration. "Please don't let me fuck this up."

_**Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over, I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over, I don't want you to hurt**_

_**It's all that I can say  
So I'll be on my way  
So I'll be on my way**_

The date went off without a hitch. Everything was going perfectly and I was on top of my game. In fact, based on tonight, it really made me wonder what the hell I'd been so worried about. This made it feel like I had never been _off_ my game.

She'd said yes when I'd asked her to make it official and she was currently in my bed, naked and asleep. I smiled at that thought as I was out in the kitchen making some tea. I know, completely girly, but Jude had gotten me hooked on the stuff and some habits you just can't break, no matter how hard you try.

I feel like tonight was a turning point. Maybe I would be okay after all. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't run off like a scared rabbit with Sam when things got to be too intense. Anything she wanted to know about me, I would tell her. I'd learned the hard way that secrets were no good. And maybe that would be the key with this relationship. Starting off on total honesty.

I was getting ready to head back towards the bedroom after I finished my tea when I heard a knock at the door. I frowned as I glanced at the clock. "What the hell?" I muttered quietly.

When I opened the door, I think my heart literally stopped beating. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. The person on the other side of the threshold looked scared shitless and nervous as hell. And once I got over my initial shock and confusion, anger seemed to quickly bubble to the surface. "Jude?"

"Hi."

**_So I'll be on my way…_**


End file.
